Most of my life it has been my mission to be self-sufficient and completely capable. This is a good thing and a bad thing. When it comes to marriage it can be a very bad thing. It leads to an unwillingness to let go and let your partner in. It has always been an effort and a duty I have placed upon myself to be able to do everything that I couldn't cheaply pay someone to do for me should any calamity (God forbid.) ever happen to Mark. There is a dangerous balance though to be able to do it, while not actually doing it ALL by myself. And there have been many periods of time I've failed to be a good partner. But yesterday, I was reminded that it doesn't matter if I can care for the house and barn and kids and stuff...there are just somethings that send me to the floor more helpless than a small child. Thankfully, the Lord blessed me with a man that truly is my match. While it is easy for me to notice his shortcomings, at least as far as I see them and they are truly trivial...he leaves his socks everywhere, he can fall asleep anywhere at anytime, and if I don't ask for help...yup, he'll let me do it by myself (anything! and everything!). But he is strong and caring and when I fall, he stands and supports everything and makes the world right.
I wish my baby hadn't gotten hurt to remind me of this again!
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| Hamming it up for the camera! |
Last night, I was bathing the four bigger kids in the garden tub while Mark went out to mow the grass. It was time to get out and we always go oldest to youngest as an exit strategy from the tub. Well, I called time to get out and both Fia and Finn stood, Finn lost his footing and slipped into the water banging his head on one of the molded jut outs...there was a gash in his forehead. Scooped him out and Fia ran for Mark...we were both standing in the driveway screaming for Mark. I couldn't even look at Finn. All I knew was he was breathing (and not screaming or crying?!) and there was no blood, there is supposed to be blood lots of blood with a head injury?!... Got Mark, the naked wet Fia and Finn back in the house. All I could do was sit on the bed and hold him, Mark checked him and determined that the ER was necessary. So as I became completely frozen gathering insurance cards and storybooks, Mark dressed him and got them out the door to the hospital. I curled into a ball on the bathroom floor trying to compose myself enough to get the other 2 girls out and dressed so I could call my mom! You see despite being able to birth and care for 5 kids, move feed and hay, start a fire, etc etc etc...I
can't CAN NOT handle blood and injuries. Haven't ever been able too, I always thought it would be different with my kids, but nope. So with renewed appreciation for my husband, I must change 2 things ASAP...1st bathes will now only be taken in the small tub 1-2 kiddos at a time with Mark in the house and second I'm buying bubble wrap and that is what they will wear until they leave our house!
Finn is doing fine, still seemingly un-phased by the incident and "super glued" back together! It is going to be a week of "be careful" and "watch his head"...but we are on the mend.
Lord, please help me to let go and more readily appreciate my husband! Please protect our babies!
